I'm bedridden. I'm sick for almost.. 24 hours. I'm on the state of solitude and sadness. I feel alone, seriously. I'll be a certified college freshman in less than 48 hours. I miss my friends, I miss a lot of people. I wish I was happier. I wish I was contented. And I wish someone is here right now hugging me despite he/she might get the same sickness that I have.

- - -

Looking forward for my four years in College, I am reminiscing the good times I've had as a highschool student. I mean, there will be a lot of changes that will come on my way starting on monday. New faces, new culture, new community, new teachers, new administration, new classmates, new schoolmates and a lot more. Everything will be a brad new start. If we're really close, you should already knew that I hate leaving things which I am already used to. I'm not really saying that I hate the fact I'm entering college.. what I hate is missing the past and how happy I am before.

I miss you, Atheneum. I miss you my high school batchmates,. I miss you my oh so close friends which are also my sisters. I miss the old times.

But I have to wake up now.

Within 38 hours I guess, I'll be attending my Frosh Orientation (DLSU LPEP 2k10). I was not really nervous at all even though almost everyone knows that fact that it's my first time to transfer school since nursery. I've never been in this situation od what you called "meeting new schoolmates" eversince.

All I feel was just sadness. Since the day we graduated from higschool, my batchmates and I still doesn't have a reunion or something. I've only seen 40% of my batch this summer. It seems that reality is really punching me to hard, I lose my old friends and then new friends will came. But still, I still want to preserve the friendship and bond that I used to have with my highschool friend most especially to the ones I'm really closed to. For I know that even though I may go out with the rich kids and easy go lucky students that I will me, I would still long for the lazy and oh so loud buddies I've had for years.

And so, I miss my batchmates. I miss my friends.

Talking about the excitement part, indeed I am excited for Monday and Tuesday! (May 24 & 25) I already knew 5 girls from my block if I'm not mistaken. Hahaha. I think they are friendly though. I can't wait to meet my block 4117. :D

I'm a crybaby at heart.

Kung hindi mo naintindihan, kahit anuma't bali-baliktarin ang mundo, IYAKIN pa rin akong tao. Di na nga talaga siguro mababago yun.

I'm stuck here in this corner where I'm sitting right now probably for about 3 hours already thinking of good memories of my life. I actually feel nostalgic about it. Come to think of it, I'm almost 17 years old yet I still cannot cope up with the ups and downs of life. I'm not saying that I'm pessimist about my problems. I'm not saying that crying all night long is an answer to these fvcking situations that troubles me. It's just annoying to know that I'm frankly good at making people happy and giving them advices yet I suck when it comes to fixing my own life. Maybe I was too busy wanting people around me to be happy so I forgot the ways to keep myself happy.

Now I finally realized why Gerome left me during our courtship and told be to be strong even without him. I already knew why he did that. Maybe he knew me that much -- I am really weak. Pretty little things make me happy yet still, even the little things make me sad. Damn. I'm already an incoming frosh but still I can't convince everyone that "ayos lang ako". Moreover, I know that I suck telling others what my problems are. I always fail on explaining them the hard feelings that I have in my heart.. kasi yun nga, iyakin ako.

Gusto ko lang talaga ng isang tao ngayon, na may shoulders na handang mabasa, at may shoulders na yayakapin ako hanggang tumahan ako. :(

Sheesh.

Estimated of about 17 hours from now, I am about to finish highschool and graduate. Well, for that matter, I still feel sad as of now. I really can't believe that I am about to graduate in a few hours and yes, I will face a new set of world without any backup. And I really can't accept until now that there are some things/people/memories that I want to keep but I have to leave them all behind.

GAAAAAAHD. I need to accept the fact I'm growing up. :(